Stop Off in Singapore

Ok, yes I know I've been really rubbish with updating this but it's hard to find the time now I'm in Australia. It's been a bit hectic with sorting stuff out and trying to find a job but I think I'm getting sorted now. Anyway back to two weeks ago (seems like much longer now)....

The journey from Malaysia to Singapore started well but ended up being a nightmare. I managed to get on a really nice coach heading south and was enjoying the journey when we had almost got to the Singapore border and everyone else got off the coach. I was waiting for the bus to start up again when another coach reversed straight into the side of the one I was on shaking the entire thing and leaving a massive dent in the side. So the drivers of both of the buses started shouting and waving bits of paper around and trying to take photos of each other. I poked my head round the side of the door to see what was going on and one of the men from my bus told me I'd have to wait for a replacement which would take another 2 hours to get there! By this time it was already late and getting dark so I didn't want to wait that long. Luckily he was really nice and bought me a ticket for a local bus that was apparently going into Singapore (I had no Malaysian money left). Going through Singapore/Malaysia immigration was really confusing too, I had to get off the bus twice with all my luggage and fill out a form. The second time I couldn't find the bus again so I was hanging around lost for about twenty minutes. I had met an English guy, Sid, who was another backpacker so at least I wasn't on my own and we just waited for a while before realising it had probably gone without us! EVENTUALLY after catching a different bus (my third of the journey) we got to Singapore city, a full three hours behind schedule. By this time it was about 11pm and I was starving so we went in search of food and found a food hall place taht was still open serving Chinese/Korean etc. I know I had promised to try to be adventurous but all these stalls were selling things like chicken intestines, feet, livers... any part of a chicken you can think of they were serving it up on rice! It's enough to turn you vegetarian... After another trek looking for a taxi we eventually got to the hostel and went straight to sleep.

The next day was a lot better after my eventful journey of the day before. I was raelly glad to have met Sid on the bus because the hostel I was in wasn't exactly very friendly - nobody spoke English and everyone ignored me. It was really different to everywhere I had stayed before. Anyway we headed over to Clarke Quay and walked around to the Marina Bay Sands hotel. This is one of the highest points in Singapore and the hotel is built like three towers with a platform connecting the tops of all of them, it's really cool and futuristic. It was really nice just to do some sightseeing and look at all the crazy architecture and to take lots of photos. Even the benches were bits of modern art! This part of Singapore is so modern I can't imagine what it would have looked like even 20 years ago. We had to pay $20 to go up to the top of the hotel (which I thought was ridiculous but figured I was 'on holiday' so I'd push the boat out) and even then we were kept in a really small area at the front with the rest of the commoners, away from the hotel guests who got to use the rooftop pool and the rest of the space! Another thing - everything is so commericalised. When we got to the top of the lift the staff took photos of us in front of a CGI image of the hotel, then tried to sell it to us for about $40! And people were actually buying it!

Sid went off to meet his friends then so I went for some lunch and to look around the shopping centre attached to the hotel. There are so many designer shops, including a Louis Vuitton that actually floats in the middle of the lake, and even boats just sailing down the middle of the shops on an inside river - it's crazy. After lunch I visited the Art Science museum next door and went to an Andy Warhol exhibition which was really intersting. The staff in there tried to get me to stick on a blonde wig and take a photo of me to sell me for another $25 - I politlely declined...

In the evening I went for a drink at Raffles, the oldest hotel in Singapore and where a lot of celebrities like Michael Jackson have stayed. It's where the original Singapore Sling was created so of course it'd be rude not to try one! Also traditionally people eat peanuts in the Long Bar and throw the shells on the floor so it was fun to do that. It tasted great and was good to say I've been there but would probably have been better with company, it's not that fun drinking on your own even if it is at Raffles Long Bar.

I had a really nice day and I'd imagine Singapore would be a great place to have fun if you were loaded but I felt like it's way too modern and commerical for me. I didn't really get to see any 'culture' or history like I did in Malaysia and Thailand. Everything seemed a bit synthetic in my opinion. Not sure if that's the right word but I hope you understand the sentiment.



Top of Marina Bay Sands hotel



Clarke Quay

Boat in the middle of a shopping centre... as you do

Pointless bench..



Raffles!

My second day in Singapore I decided to go to Sentosa Island. I wasn't really sure what to expect from this but it turned out to be basically a massive theme park. I got a cable car over there (Angry Birds themed - $30 for the picture they take of you getting in...) and had a wander around. In the cable car picture below you can just make out the Merlion statue which is massive and is half lion, half fish. It's a symbol of Singapore but I couldn't tell youa  lot more as you ahd to pay to get in and read about it. Basically Sentosa is not the best place to be if you're on a budget! I spent the afternoon on one of the (man-made) beaches and sat next to a group of Philippino ladies who kept asking me to pose for photos with them all individually because, quote, "I look so different"! I kind of understand how famous people get annoyed with people taking pictures of them, I kind of wanted to point out that I wasn't a tourist attraction. So I took a photo of them back.. They were really friendly actually, just so weird that people think I'm such a photo opportunity.

My new BFFs

On the third day I had a morning before having to get to the airport so I went to China Town. Finally some culture! I really enjoyed having a wander. I bought some bits from the market and then visited  a couple of temples. There is one Chinese Buddhist temple/museum that I visited where they claim to have a tooth of the actual Buddha which is thousands of years old. I was quite excited to this but when you get to the actual room it's not on display but inside all this gold and behind loads of glass. Plus, you can't take pictures, so it's hard to say if it's actually there or not. The rest of the temple was really interetsing though, it's so elaborate and so much gold everywhere. The picture below is of my protective spirit, having been born in the year of the horse. He is meant to guide me when it comes to leadership and career goals!

I had some lunch at one of the street side restaurants which was really yummy (no chicken body parts) and did some people watching. There was loads of old Chinese men just hanging around the main square playing chequers who looked like they'd all been there for the last 20 years not having moved.



So that was my time in Singapore. The best bit for me was definitely China Town and the temples. You can get a bit lost and lonely in all the glamorous parts if you're a solo traveller I think. Would come back one day to explore more but maybe with somebody else!

I'm now in Perth and have been for the last 2 weeks, which for me is even less like Asia and less "cultural" again. I feel a bit like I'm in Croydon, just with slightly better weather. Then again maybe I'm being too harsh as I haven't had a chance to do the touristy thing yet. It's so different when you are planning to live somewhere rather than travelling through. I'll keep you updated!

Love Jem xxx

My Ten Day Tour of Malaysia

I've been bad at updating the blog so now left myself with loads to write - going to have to break it up into different posts. I'm now in Perth, Australia but more about that another time!  I'll just update you on Malaysia for the time being. I really loved it there and it was a bit of a whistle stop tour compared to my long stay in Thailand but I feel like I've packed so many completely different things in it was like visiting more than one country in a way.

So I left Thailand on the 5th Septemeber and flew from Phuket to Penang. I thought that goign by plane would eman less hassle, but no... It was raining badly and I had decided to walk to the bus stop to save money but got lost ont he way. Then I lost my footing and ended up face down in a muddy puddle with my HEAVY backpack pinning me down to the floor and wriggling around trying to get up while people actually stepped over me! I thought Thais were menat to be friendly? So yeah, I guess I must have looked quite funny... I'm surprised they didn't stop me entering the airport when I finally arrived covered in mud and blood before I could get changed. I did get asked for my phone number by the Thai immigration official though so I can't have looked too bad (didn't give it to him in case you were wondering!!). Flight itself was pretty good though, we even got a free orange juice, not bad for a super cheap 20 quid flight.

The hostel in Penang - Reggae Mansion - was amazing. I'd heard about it from other backpackers and it was really cool, the beds were so comfortable and private and we had hot power showers. I thought I'd died and gone to heaven after some oft he places I've stayed so far. Met some other travellersa nd we all went out for drinks with some of the hostel bar staff then the next day I decided to go see the sights of Georgetown. Unfortunately I forgot my camera and so can't post any photos but I did take some on my phone which I uploaded to facebook so if you really want to see them I'm sure you will be able to find them. Georgetown is really nice to walk around, it's full of interesting buildings and colonial architecture and lots of history which I won't bore you with here. I started at the Penang museum and encountered my second over-friendly official of the past 2 days. His name was Ahmed and he worked at the museum and insisted on following me around everywhere and giving me a priovate tour which I'm sure was well intentioned but became quite annoying. He also wrote his number down for me and wanted to drive me around the island in his car but I made some excuse and ran away! The other thing Penang is famous for is its food so I went to a street food centre and pointed to something on the menu (Ice Kachang) and hoped for the best. It turned out to be a mound of perfume tasting ice and the return of the congealed frogspawn from my stay in the moastery. Also went to Little India for dinner and was a bit disappointed with taht as well. I feel a bit bad becuase it's got such a reputation for good food, I wish I'd liked it but at least I tried. Maybe I ordered the wrong things or maybe I just don't have adventurous tastes.

The next day I had to wake up at 4am for my onward travel which was difficult. Can't believe I actually did it for 10 days at the monastery. I went with a guy called James I'd met at the hostel to Kuala Besut on the East coast where we got a speed boat (very bumpy ride - everyone had to wear life jackets) to the Perhentian Islands. I was really looking forward to this part of my trip as I'd heard so much about them from people and it really was like paradise - I felt like I was inside a holiday brochure. The water is so clear that you can literally walk into the sea until you are neck deep and still look down and see your feet. The accommadation wasn't great though. I'd got used to the luxury of Reggae Mansion and now I was back sharing my room with frogs and mosquitos. We also only had electricty from 7pm - 7am as the islands aren't that developed. And there are loads of monitor lizards everywhere! I saw the first one of these at the monastery and was petrified  - the biggest ones look like crocodiles. But apprently they are harmless and really scraed of humans so that's OK. I guess I have to get used to all this wildlife stuff especially as I am now in Oz -spider/snake/creepy crawly central. I had a really good time there though, just chilling out for a bit. On the second day two of my friends from the hostel in Penang - Kelly and Ryan - came to meet me and in the evenings everyone sits on the beach and listens to music and smokes shisha pipes, it was really cool. There was a band on the first night as well, singing Wonderwall by Oasis. It's funny, everyone seems to love that song here I've heard it everywhere.

So after 3 days on the isalnds I was starting to get a bit bored of just chilling out and decided to head over to the Cameron Highlands. It's so different here it's unreal. The temperature never gets above 20 degrees and it rains every afternoon, I was FREEZING! Was really nice and refreshing though after the heat and felt a lot like I was in the English countryside. There's lots of beautiful scenery and nature and lots of farms and stalls selling local produce. The main attraction here is hiking which I'm sure you will not be surprised to learn that I didn't do any of. I signed up for the 'lazy' tour and visited strawberry farms, butterfly gardens, markets and my favourite - a tea plantation. It was SO nice to have a proper cup of tea and the scenery was amazing. I also tried a 'Cameron apple' which is a weird purple fruit that the locals nickname lovers fruit because apparently it is 'sometimes sweet sometimes bitter' (!) Mine tasted like a potato...

After 2 days of the rain of the Cameron Highlands I decided it was time to head back to the heat and visit Kuala Lumpur. I really loved KL, there was so much to see and do and its so interesting to have a wonder around. I stayed in another Reggae Mansion hostel which was great again and even better as this one has a rooftop bar where you can see the Petronas Towers and KL Tower lit up, so we went there both nights. The first afternoon I arrived I had a look around the central market which was raelly cool. There were lots of signs saying no photography, which is a shame but there was so many weird things for sale. My fav was the foot massaging sandals which looked really uncomfortable! I also had a look around a couple of museums and Merdeka square ("Freedom square") which was the focal point of the lowering of the Union Jack flag and raising of the first Malaysian flag after independence from Britain was declared. That evening we went for food and drinks in China Town which was really good for people watching!
The second day was a hectic one as I only had one day before I left for Singapore. Went for a walk to see the Petronas Towers and the KL Tower which took me right through the main central business district and I saw a lot of other interesting buildings too, like one headquarters of a bank with a camel somehow engraved into the side of the glass. After taking a few photos I continued walking around, getting lost in an industrial estate on the way but eventually finding Bukit Bintang. I imagine this is like the KL version of Oxford Street/Picadilly Circus with lots of restaurants, bars, hotels and shops. I'd found a voucher on my city map for 20 miuntes fish pedicure at a spa on this road so decided to give it a try. If you don't know this was really big a few years ago and started off in Asia. It involves putting your feet in water and fish nibbling on them - which sounds disgusting but apparently is good and pretty much everywhere now. I lasted 2 minutes though before I left, I just kept pulling my feet away, the fish looked so scary and big! And it tickles! Glad I didn't pay for it, I can't believe some people would fork out 30 pounds for that. Weird.

That afternoon I got a train (with female only carriages!) out of the city to visit the Batu caves. These are caves that have been turned into Hindu temple and shrines to Hindu gods and were really interesting to look at. There are 227 (I read that in my Lonely Planet book, didn't count them!)  There are also hundreds of monkeys just running around inside - I tried to steer well clear as they are so unfazed by humans I spotted them stealing food from the people's bags in front of me. After a visit to another museum and walk around the lake gardens by KL Sentral train station I then went out again to Bukit Bintang for dinner and drinks with a big group from the hostel.

Merdeka Square

Rooftop bar

Fish pedicure!

Petronas Twin Towers

KL Tower

Half way up the steps at Batu caves

Batu caves from the bottom of the steps



Monkey in Batu caves


 

One of the trains had this carriage.. haha!


Such an exhausting two days but I really loved KL I would definately love to come back at some point anyway to explore a bit more. It's so interesting to see the mix between the ultra modern skyscraper buildings of the financial district and all the historical buildings and the mixture of cultures too (even though that does sound like a travel cliche). All in all I loved Malaysia and even though I only spent 10 days there I feel like I got to see and do a lot!
Will let you know about Singapore soon....
Love Jemma x

Phi Phi, Phuket Town and Goodbye to Thailand

Hi everyone :)

The Thai leg of my journey has almost come to an end, so thought that before I board my plane for Malaysia tomorrow I should update you on what I have been up to for the last couple of weeks.

After landing at the pier and practically half-swimming half-walking what seemed like miles I got to my hostel. I hadn't actually stayed in a shared dorm with strangers yet as I'd always been travelling with people that I'd already met so was a bit apprehensive, but travelling solo you really have to do it or you wouldn't meet anyone. So my first proper experience of a hostel dormitory was this one - a room with 20 beds and not much else apart from loads of ants, cockroaches and (it has been claimed, thankfully never actually seen by me) - a mouse. Oh, and a shared toilet block with three showers one of which had the door hanging off. As you can imagine I wasn't ecstatic about this, but it was OK. I met some nice people but there was actually hardly anyone in the dorm, and the island in general, as it was coming up to the Full Moon party and so most travellers were on their way to Koh Phangnan instead. Also the storm meant that the boats had stopped running - it turned out that mine was the last for at least a day.

The weather did eventually get better on the third day though! I was so pleased because there's not really much to do at all when it's raining. I was a bit disappointed with Phi Phi to be perfectly honest because it had been hyped up so much by everyone I met but it just reminded me of being in Tenerife or Ayia Napa or somewhere like that. The main beach is disgusting and covered in rubbish, and the main area is just full of drunk tourists falling out of clubs and promotors handing you leaflets (I feel a bit snobby saying this but you know what I mean - doesn't really feel like you're in Thailand!)

Having said that, when the weather got better and I had the chance to explore a bit more I did see some really beautiful places. I went on a boat trip to Long Beach, which was MUCH nicer and then on a half day trip to Phi Phi Leh which is the smaller island next to the main Phi Phi island and is where Maya Bay, the location for the film The Beach is. Because of this there are just soo many people doing exactly the same thing that the beach is completely crowded and you only get an hour and a half there. The whole trip was a bit dodgy really (but, you know 'that's Thailand'). We had to follow this guy who took us through the back streets and climb over rusty ropes and stuff to his boat that was parked away from the main pier. Then we stopped off at a few different bays before he told us that in order to get to Maya bay we had to a) swim and climb over these really sharp rocks and then climb through a half submerged cave and b) Pay him 100 baht (2 quid) for the 'national park entrance fee'. We obviously hadn't been told about either of these things beforehand, I just assumed we would pull up onto some nice soft sand but no, nothing can be simple. It was an adventure anyway... Once I had managed to scramble across all the rocks and cut my foot twice in the process we eventually got to the entrance where there was another Thai man sitting on a desk asking us to pay him another 100 baht to get in! We managed to persuade him that we had already paid after a bit of arguing, but I think there was definitely some sort of 'deal' going on between them. Anyway, Maya Bay was really gorgeous and so it was worth it in the end.

 

Me reading 'The Beach' on the actual Beach...


 

The assault course to get to Maya Bay



 

I'm glad I managed to do that when I did because the next day I got really ill. I'd managed to avoid illness for so long I was starting to feel a bit smug but living in the dorm where a lot of other people were also sick I guess it was inevitable. One of the girls I volunteered with also got ill there and I've heard a lot about 'Phi Phi sickness' so it seems like it was always going to happen. I woke up with a fever and couldn't move from my bed all day, let alone eat anything. I was really fed up of being in the dorm as well and not being able to sleep until 5am, being munched on by mosquitos and bugs and having none of my own space so as soon as I was OK to move I got on a ferry back to Phuket town. I booked myself into a hostel that is so much nicer it's in a different league (although I swear I have JUST seen a rat running out of the door!). The first night I got myself a private room with a double bed and hot shower and then watched a DVD and slept there for about 15 hours, which really did me good. I'm still feeling a bit ill and haven't eaten anything except plain rice and bread for a few days but I am getting better so don't worry! I moved into the dorms for the last 2 nights (need to save my money and its only 4 pounds a night, amazing!) but they are still about a million percent better than the ones on Phi Phi. And there's noone else in my dorm so it's like I have a private room anyway which is great as I'm really not in the mood to socialise at the moment. I've spent most of my time watching DVDs in the common room and chilling out (one of which was The Beach, just so I could point at it and say I'd been there).

There have been a couple of interesting things to have a look at around Phuket town, even though if I wasn't ill I would say you couldn't stay for more than half a day really. Firstly, when I arrived the whole street had been blocked off to traffic and there was a massive market going on and at night they played music and there were a couple of stages where dance groups were performing. A girl in the next dorm told me it was Chinese Halloween celebartions but I'm not sure if that's true as I Googled it and couldn't see anything about it.. In any case, it was entertaining to watch and I got a front row seat from my bedroom. It was VERY loud though so I'm glad I was in the other room the first night when I really needed my sleep.

Then this afternoon I felt like I should really do something cultural seeing as I was feeling better so I got a map from the hostel reception and went for a walk around Phuket Old Town. Couldn't believe I actually managed to find my way around and didn't get lost once - my sense of direction is getting better! Although the map listed all these amazing sights to look out for and, yes there were some pretty buildings along the way, a lot of it was in real disrepair and without reading about it you'd just walk straight past. Perfect example...

This is apparently a really historic hotel, the oldest in the town and coincidentally also where another part of The Beach was filmed (I feel like I'm on some sort of The Beach tour, shame Leonardo Di Caprio hasn't popped up yet.)

Also saw some nice architecture (in the Sino-Portugese style so the map told me) and a few shrines and temples. The whole walk took about ten minutes but at least I feel a bit cultural!

So that takes you up to today, I'm flying to Penang in Malaysia tomorrow and I'm really excited! It'll be nice to have a change of scenery and to see a different country. I'm hoping there will be less bugs and cleaner hostels, let's see. Have really loved Thailand though and feel like it's been a much shorter trip than 7 weeks. There's so much more that I want to do here and haven't got a chance to, especially all the northern parts which I didn't even go near. Maybe I'll come back one day....

Miss everyone back at home, lots of love xxx

PS - I have DEFINITELY just seen a rat and I am really freaking out now, great!

Volunteering in Phang Nga

Before I start this post I've realised that I haven't been updating you on the temperature/progress of my tan like I was going to. Well it's probably best I don't to be honest seeing as the whole point was to make everybody jealous and I'm pretty sure that you're not going to envy me looking like this...

I assure you I am a normal colour again now but all the same I think I'll give the "tan watch" thing a miss. It's also been raining non stop for about a week. Serves me right for bragging to people at home earlier in the trip I guess. I'm now on Ko Phi Phi and had to wade through ankle deep water to get to my hostel and it's STILL chucking it down. I'm sure I just saw some lightening too. Fingers crossed the sun comes out soon!

Anyway, two weeks ago I left the hotel in Surat Thani and headed south to Phang Nga province to stay at an orphanage called Home & Life to volunteer. It's a really nice place and they have about 25 children staying there. It is called an 'orphanage foundation' but not all (actually I don't think any) are literally orphans but, Phang Nga being the worst hit province, all were affected by the tsunami in some way - family members killed or their livelihoods ruined. The orphanage was set up in the aftermath to take care of children whose families may not be able to afford to feed them or send them to school etc. It was set up by a couple called Root and Rosa who come from Chiang Mai in the north of Thailand but were so affected by news of the tsunami they sold their house, quit their jobs and relocated to Phang Nga where they built and set up the orphanage. It's a really inspiring story actually! The children's parents come to visit them here and they all have a safe place to stay and to be cared for. There's also an amazing bakery attached which raises money for the orphanage and I took full advantage if the delicious coffees and banana bread during my stay :) If you want to have a look at the website for more info or to donate any money the address is http://www.homelifethailand.com/home-en.html (I've just discovered there's also some pics of me on there!)

I met two other girls from England, Mia and Camilla, who were volunteering at the same time and was really good to have some company. We generally got up at 6am-7am every day (more early mornings, eurgh) to help get the children ready for school, hand out their pocket money etc then did their laundry and cleaned their rooms in the mornings. During the afternoon it was much more varied and we did lots of different things to help out if and when it was needed. I was given the task of teaching English to an 18 year old girl called Aew who lived in the nearby village every afternoon and I really enjoyed it. I thought I'd hate being a 'teacher' but it was nice because she was so lovely and really eager to learn, probably very different to schools in the UK. She even bought me little presents and a bunch of flowers at our last lesson with a card where she had written a message in English, it was so sweet!

Me and Aew

For two days last week we went to the city hall in Phang Nga town to teach English to the regional government with a group of three other English people from the Volunteer Teach Thailand organisation. This was pretty much sprung on us and we didn't really have a clue what we were doing but as the other volunteer teachers said "That's Thailand". You have to just try and take things as they come because organisation isn't exactly a strong point. The language barrier too meant we often weren't told things until they were actually happening. Although it was quite intimidating at first (we had to stand in front of a room of really senior government officials and introduce ourselves in Thai) it turned out to be quite fun and the people were generally very friendly. 

We taught the children English as well, on weekend mornings when they were home from school, but this was much more energetic and mainly involved running around shouting. I think some of it got through to them though, I hope so anyway! The kids are always so affectionate, happy and smiley which was not really what I expected at all, but it was great. They really welcome you with open arms and I felt very at home there. The first day we arrived a meeting was called and the children were told that we were now part of their 'family' and that we were their new big sisters and I honestly feel like I was treated like that. I feel like I got to know them all individually and it was sad leaving them this morning! Oh, and we were also given a "Thai name' for the duration of our stay. Mine was 'Jarm'

Getting a certificate and CD of photos on my last evening

Another project that we did while we were at Home and Life was painting the wall outside the girl's bedroom which they seemed very grateful for and it's good to think that there is something I can leave behind for them. I can't take much credit for the drawing though - that was all Mia and Camilla, I just did the colouring in!



Although I really enjoyed myself I felt ready to leave after 2 weeks - it's very hard work and we only got one day off a week (which we still got woken up at 7.30am on..) so I'm glad to be able to relax a bit now. I hope the weather picks up or I'm just going to have to stay in my hostel for the next 4 days though.

Hope everyone is well at home :) Love Jarm xxx

"Finding Myself" aka The Longest 10 Days Of My Life

Where to begin with this post?? I have just finished the meditation retreat at Suan Mokkh monastery and I can honestly say that it has been the most difficult, most interesting, strangest ten ( well, twelve really) day experience. When I told everyone I was doing this before I left the UK people asked me WHY?? And to be perfectly honest I don't really have a great answer to that - I just thought it looked like an interesting thing to do - something to make my travelling experience a bit different to all the other hundreds of people that come to Thailand just to party and lie on the beach (which obviously is great and I have been doing a lot too!). I've always been interested in Buddhism since learning about it in school - particularly the notion of impermanence and living in the moment (which inspired my tattoo) and the fact that it is the only religion to my limited knowledge that bases itself on nature and 'science' rather than blind faith and that there is no deity or creator that they worship (Buddha is not a God he was the first 'truly enlightened' human being) . So I thought the opportunity to learn more about the whole thing would be brilliant.

I left Koh Pagnan and headed to Suan Mokkh on the 30th where I stayed the night at the main monastery before getting a lift over the road to the retreat centre on the 31st to register for the retreat. I had to have an interview with a nun before being shown my room and had to read a booklet making sure I understood what I was letting myself in for, i.e. the sleeping conditions and strict schedule and rules. Everybody I met seemed to be much more experienced than me having been to retreats before and being meditators for years. I didn't really know what to expect but signed up and headed off to my room. The girls dormitory (men and women were segregated for the entire retreat) consisted of rows of rooms around a courtyard and shared toilet block and baths. In my room/cell there was a concrete bed and wooden mat and wooden pillow, one blanket and a mosquito net and that was it! I also actually found some foam padding in the store room which I grabbed quickly so that made it a bit better (I think it was meant for people with back problems but oh well...).

My bed. I'm actually standing right in the corner of the room to take this, that's how small  it is.

This is where we had to wash!

The female dorms

The schedule every day started when we were woken up by the gong at 4am  and had to be in the meditation hall at 4:30 for the morning reading. We then did an hour and a half of yoga. The rest of the day was a mixture of sitting meditation (basically sitting cross legged on the floor not moving and listening to your breath), walking meditation (walking VERY slowly up and down thinking only of the feeling of your feet on the ground), dhamma talks given by the monks and nuns explaining the fundamentals of Buddhism to us and an hour of chanting in the evenings and loving kindness meditation (which is just what it says really - you have to imagine different people and spread goodwill to them). We also got three breaks during the day where we were given breakfast, lunch and a cup of hot chocolate. Throughout this we had to be completely silent and try to empty our minds of any thoughts whatsoever other than what was going on right in that moment. We were not allowed to communicate at all and this included reading and writing, however, I couldn't face this and started writing a diary on the evening of Day 1 which started as just notes on the lectures but ended up being pages and pages of my thoughts each day. In fact I'm really glad I did as reading it back makes me realise just how I was feeling at the time and how proud I am of getting through the whole 10 days. I'm going to type it (most anyway, I'll leave out the really personal stuff) out for you as even though its really long it's probably the best way for me to show you what it was actually like. Just want to say though that this is obviously just my take on the whole thing/ Buddhism - and I'm not an authority on the subject so don't want to offend anybody/look like I'm slagging it off at all.

---------------------------------------

Day 1
Teachings so far:
1. Impermanence
2. Attachment = Suffering
3. Loving Kindness
4. There is no 'self' (not too sure about this? How are we meant to disregard our identities?

Everyone looks like zombies. I feel bored and tired but OK. Can't resist writing this as I would go insane otherwise.

Day 2
Well I had a bad moment earlier where I burst into tears at breakfast. Nobody else seems to be down? I'm just so tired and hungry. I can't even eat what I'm given beacuse it tastes disgusting. Feel a bit more positive now. I still can't meditate but feeling like I can stick it out.

The day got better, although STILL not over. Have enjoyed the lectures, the monks are very interesting but there is a lot of contradiction and things I disagree with. I didn't think it'd be like this. I don't want to give up my sense of 'self'. Still can't meditate - have tried and tried and failed and failed. The English monk says it took him ten years to meditate properly so what's the point of me even trying? Feel like I am in a prison/mental hospital. The group walking meditation sessions looks like prisoners excercising and the individual group walking looks like something from One Flew Over the Cuckoos Nest. Nobody else seems to find it funny but I can't help laughing.

Day 3
Have resigned myself to the fact that I'm never going to be able to meditate. You can sign up for personal interviews with the monks or nuns if you are having mediation problems but I don't know if I want to. The more I hear about getting rid of the sense of 'me' the more I feel like they wnat to give me a lobotomy. Am pretty annoyed today - I'm disagreeing with pretty much everything I hear to be honest. Everyone looks like emotionless zombies - how can this be 'happiness' that they keep telling us. Fell like I'm part of some dystopian novel about a weird commune where nobody is allowed to be individual. I hate the conformity and the segregation and the SILENCE. I want to scream.

Wish I koew what everybody else was thinking. AM I THE ONLY ONE? Have noticed that the Swedish girl and another older lady have disappered, have they left? Maybe I should leave. Another thing, what kind of shop claiming to sell essential toiletries does not stock deodrant or moisturiser? I can't live like this its ridiculous!

This afternoon was a lot better. I actually managed to sort of meditate for 45 minutes. I need to realise that every day I seem to go through upset-angry-OK stages and that the afternoons are generally better. I try to think of it as a school day with each session as a lesson. Home time (bed) soon!

Day 4
Feeling a lot better today. I didn't cry at breakfast this morning - yay. Also quite enjoyed yoga. I feel less tired and more flexible. Breakfast was still a disgusting gloop. I've done something bad though - I listened to a song on my mp3 player. To be honest - I don't care! All these rules are stupid. As they say in Buddhism life is short death is long so why are they so against enjoying themselves?! It seems such a strange ideology, I didn't realise how depressing a religion Buddhism really was. I know life has its ups and downs but I'd rather experience all that emotion than none at all which is what they seem to think is enlightenment or true happiness. Surely eating, drinking, reading, writing, singing, dancing, listening to music etc etc  are the things that makes life worth living - if it's all out there for you to enjoy why voluntarily make yourself miserable?? I'm sure these 10 days will be good for me to appreciate that you can survive on the bare basics/without all the material stuff but if you don't have to live like this then why would you ever choose to?

Things got worse. I burst into tears during my morning meditation session. Was thinking about life and wanting to acheive something and not knowing what to do. Heavy stuff... I thought coming here would give me some sort of clear idea about things but its messing up my head. 

The talks still confuse me and I have loads of questions - I wish we were allowed to ask them out loud! The 'enlightened state' everyone is meant to be striving for sounds terrible to be perfectly honest - no emotions, no enjoyment, no attachment. If that it what they aspire to I'm not sure I want to meditate at all. I can't do it anyway!

It's the Full Moon party tonight, wish I was there.

Day 5:
After today I will be half way through and then it's just a straight Monday - Friday working week to go I CAN DO THIS! Also had a good morning. Enjoyed yoga and feel like I'm getting better, There were noodles at breakfast so didn't have to eat slop YAY!! I need to point out after so many depressed diary entries how its not all bad here. I'm getting an hour and a half yoga lesson each morning (10 days worth at the Spa at Beckenham would be what 50 quid?) plus a roof over my head and being fed for ten days. It's not like anything I have to do here is horrible or unpleasant. It is boring and uncomfortable but that can be dealt with. All the staff really do want to help you and are so nice. The scenery/nature should be appreciated, the sunrises are so pretty and when else have I ever got to see that at 5:30am?? At night there are so many stars, I've literally never seen so many - hundreds and hundreds. Makes you feel very insignificant and humble that each one is an entire solar system. Don't want to jinx it but I feel like today is going to be positive.

Well.. it wasn't. Need to stop guessing like that, my moods are so volatile in this place I feel like I have bipolar. They changed the schedule today so that instead of one of the talks we have an extra hour of meditation practice. Then one of the monks made a joke about how Buddhism is so depressing and that nobody has killed themselves yet at one of these retreats but theres always a first time. Then I went to a personal interview with the nun and instead of asking any useful questions I just blurted out "I can't do it" and burst into noisy sobs. That's the fourth time I've cried in public now it's so embarrassing. Want to leave. Know I shouldn't. Tomorrow will be better - 50% down.

Day 6:
Today - this morning - was the worst yet. Was so physically and mentally exhausted when I got out of bed. So tired and cold and hungry. Just couldn't do yoga so I lay on my mat and cried into my hoody for an hour and a half, probably the lowest point to date. Surely this is the worst it can get? I just can't stop crying I'm on the verge of tears constantly, I'm an emotional wreck. Skipped my chore this morning for an extra hours sleep which made me feel better but now I'm feeling guilty/paranoid that the others are annoyed at me for skipping it. Really want a cup of tea. I feel like I'm going mad.

Day got a bit better apart from being EXHAUSTED. I couldn't even summon up enough energy for chanting so I just sat slumped up against a pillar. But worst of all at tea time there was no hot chocolate! The one and only thing I have to look forward to. It was some disgusting cough mixture tasting liquid instead. It's like they enjoy playing mind games with us. Why change it after 5 days?? You can't rely on anything here. Maybe that's why they are doing it to teach us 'impermanence' haha. I dread to think what the schedule for days 9 and 10 will be as they are keeping it under wraps for now. Help me. 

Day 7
Today was much better again. I manged to do the whole yoga routine for the first time. Avoided the slop for breakfast and just had biscuits. Still hungry.

Still going well so far (I'm measuring this on the fact that I haven't cried yet). Actually meditated for about 20 minutes. Apart from this I am seriously bored. Remember when Vanessa Feltz went mad in the Celebrity Big Brother house? I know how she felt. Have been writing phrases in the sand next to my meditation cushion each day. Today's was "bored". Yesterday's was "Help me". The day before was "I am me". I'm actually going mad aren't I? I'm so bored I've actually been reciting times tables in my head which is completely ridiculous as I hate maths. Also planning trips in my head, have decided I want to visit China, Japan, Brazil, Peru, Mexico and the US and also maybe inter-rail around Europe. Yeah I know, I will have to win the lottery first right? Off to do laundry now, about the most exciting thing that has happened all week.

Wow I've made it through the day without crying! Done a lot of thinking today (precisely what you're NOT meant to do in this place haha). Everybody here goes on about being selfless but I've realised that that is completely impossible. Even becoming a monk/nun surely that's ultimately selfish - you are stepping out of society to pursue your own spiritual development. Some people say they find purpose and selflessness in life when they have children and I obviously can't comment from experience but if you are planning on having a child it's something you want for yourself - the child didn't ask to be born. I'm not saying this is a bad thing at all. I'm saying there's no way you can get away from being selfish and the point is you shouldn't try. After all it's your own life so as long as you are not hurting anybody else there is no reason why you shouldn't pursue what you believe will make you happy. The problem is I don't know what I want, and we all have to earn a living we can't just swan off into the sunset to have a good time. But then that's a different story. Anyway, enough of my philosophical ramblings for tonight.

Day 8
This morning was OK. I enjoyed yoga. Still feeling exhausted and also VERY hungry. There were slabs of cake at breakfast so I excitedly took 3 only to realise they were actually slabs of congealed jelly with bits in and a salty taste. Managed to force one down but threw away the rest. Have been fantasising about pizza during meditation. Apparently we only get one meal tomorrow but they still haven't posted the full schedule.

Oh my God I want to go home. They've posted the whole schedule for day 9. Basically everything that I used to look forward to to get me through the day has been cancelled. No talks, no chanting, no loving kindness meditation, not even any group walk in the evening. Its pretty much back-to-back meditation practice. One session goes on for 3 HOURS! I'm going to be so bored. Thank God they haven't taken away yoga, at least thats something. Oh, and yes we only get one meal (at 8:30am) I hope its not just the normal slop. I'm just going to have to force myself to eat it. I'm dreading this. Everyone seemed to be struggling today and I was the most tired and hungry I've been so far. How are we going to cope tomorrow? They didn't advertise this! I honestly don't know if I can do it. The end was in sight and now they have sprung this on us like they want to make things as difficult as possible. I can't leave on the 9th day though can I that would be silly. I'm just going to have to do it.

Day 9
Breakfast (or whatever you call your ONE meal of the day) was a joke. Piled my plate high with what looked like vegetable noodles. Turned out they were crunchy things that were so spicy I couldn't eat them. Also had a dish of some warm sweet stuff with the consistency of frogspawn. I really really tried to eat lots but I physically couldn't. This was the worst meal yet. Typical that its on the day where its all we get. There weren't even any fruit or biscuits to stock up on. Going to be so hungry later. And so bored. The retreat co-ordinator said this morning that they "weren't trying to torture us", well they are doing a pretty good job of it so far. Really don't want to cry today. Going to have a nap.

Was pleasantly surprised - we did actually get some sort of soup thing at lunch. Wasn't nice but I had a cup. This morning hasn't been TOO bad. I've now walked around the entire boundary of the centre, right up until the barbed wire fencing (it really is a prison!). I've been thinking a lot of home. Weirdly, images of random places keep popping into my head like Loughborough Sainsburys or Elmers End roundabout or a road in Camborne. Also keep thinking of London and the Olympics. I don't think I'm homesick and I'm sure I'll be fine when I get out it's just my mind clinging to memories of anywhere but this place! Also done a lot more thinking about my life plan/career and basically come to the conclusion that I shouldn't be thinking about it at all haha. Nobody really knows what will happen in their life do they, so all you can do is wait to see what happens and try to enjoy things while they last. If I'm going to be taking anything from Buddhism its this living in the moment idea, which is lucky as its tattooed on me!

I was going to skip the next session but have decided just to go for it. I signed up for this, better take my own advice and 'appreciate' it while it lasts. I know its difficult but thats probably more of a reason to do it. Doing difficult things is good for you.

So today hasn't been that bad at all. Much much much better than expected and on the scale of the past 9 days in fact it was a good day. I'm so proud of myself for doing this. Last day tomorrow! And the schedule looks OK, we get 2 meals at least. Feeling very positive now. I am glad I did this (well I'm glad I stuck it through) as its such an extreme thing to do and although its not been enjoyable its made me learn a lot. Very excited for a hot shower though when this is done ... ONE MORE DAY!

Day 10
Yes! I have made it to the last day. I feel a bit weird about this. I'm releived of course but I've spent so much time here. It's a bit like leaving school - excited but feeling nervous to go out into the big wide world. It's like I've become institutionalised here - it's stability, it's safety. It really is calm and peaceful here. This morning all the stars were out and the moon was so bright. And the sunrise was amazing - red then orange then yellow then blue. I stopped yoga for ages just to stare at it. Spending your mornings doing yoga at 5:30am while the sun rises over the pond and bats fly over your head is certainly an incerdible experience I won't forget. There are so many butterflies and exotic birds and flowers around too. This has actually made me appreciate nature a lot. I'm not soo completely against the idea of camping and the great outdoors any more haha.

Tonight is a 2 hour 'insight sharing' session and I really don't want to go. Everyone will be talking about their "spiritual awakenings" etc won't they and what am I going to do? I can't exactly stand up and say "Well this has been the worst 10 days of my life and I don't believe in anything you've taught us" ?? I've decided to go though as apparently sharing is optional and I guess it'll be good to see what other people think of it all. Bad news however. This afternoon is a 2 hour session called 'working is dhamma' which we've just been told consists of us shovelling sand around. Are they having a laugh?! I'm completely exhausted and they've created manual labour for us to do in the boiling hot sun. It's an effort for me just to stand upright!. Scrap what I said earlier I can't wait to leave this place now.

So that was hard work!! They made us use these metal hoe things to break up rock and sand and spread it over the grass in the sweltering heat for an hour. I think we bonded as a group though and the silence rule practically went out the window. It's strange how without speaking for the whole time we've been here you can make friends with people. Was also really funny as the woman who sort of looks after our dorm, Pam, was like "try not to get dirty, do it slowly, remember we are still ladies". HAHA is she serious?

So tonight is the last night in my cell. I've become quite attached to it in a way (yes, I know I'm a terrible Buddhist) it's the longest place I've spent sleeping in since I've been in Thailand. But onwards and upwards!. This was a very intersting experience to say the least and I suppose it has been worthwhile in that it has taught me a lot.
1. I appreciate nature a lot more
2. I can be patient and has taught me endurance
3. Suffering is not permanent and to just get on with things
4. The most difficult things are the most rewarding
5. I've learned to like myself a lot more and be proud of my acheivements
6. Material things are not really neccessary in life (although obviously they can make it a lot better! Don't worry I havn't had a personality transplant, still going to go shopping).
More philosophically/spiritually I've learned that Buddhism is not for me. At least I've tried it and rejected it from an educated standpoint. To be honest I don't think any religion is for me. All this time being here and I've had no amazing spiritual awakenings or enlightening experiences. I havn't figured out the meaning of life. But I'm OK with that. My main conclusion after all this - life is uncertain, just don't worry about things and enjoy yourself. I guess it's not particularly profound but there you go.

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And that's it really. Not much more to add apart from the fact that I am now in a really nice hotel for 2 nights and don't think I've ever been so excited to see a bed. Jumped up and down on it for ages then had a bubble bath and sang out loud to my mp3 player, hope I didn't disturb anyone. Then I ate chocolate and crisps and watched the Olympics on ESPN - feel like I'm in heaven. Forget Nibbana - this is true happiness!!!

Luxury at last!

Lots of love xxxx